I need a lover.

I need you as my lover. You and only you.

I need your body strong, your body warm, your gaze and scent and kiss, your thick, hard lingering heat. I need your words, your silence, your song. I need your touch light, I need your touch dark, I need your touch complete.

Right now, I am certain you sense this, feel this, know this … fear this … to be true. I am certain this obsession, this addiction, this myopia is finally beginning to dawn.

And yet, the day on which it breaks is cold and grey and blustery, is without little hope, is without any sense, is without the rational thought that tempers the body written through with a desire so deep it tears the flesh, the soul, this woman to shreds.

I want your cock.

I want it as no other, hunger for it as never before.

I want your cock.

I want to rouse it from its slumber, tease it to hard, thick, glistening life. I want to feel it pulsing in my hand, in my mouth, in my cunt, in the tightness of my rosebud.

I want your cock.

I want to rouge my lips blood, shiny red and stain your shaft with my sultry kiss. I want to open the hot, wet tunnel between these lips, sliding you in, gliding you down, tasting, devouring the very essence of man.

I want your cock.

I want the cock of the gentleman seasoned and contained, the cock of the teenage boy on the very edge of his self-control. I want to bury your uncut meat so deep inside me your body growls and soars, your searing cream spilling forth urgently, violently to mark my soft fair skin, my bright clutching walls.

I want your cock.

I want it all to myself, selfishly taking and feasting on the flesh and the come and the man yearned for by so many. I want to please and pleasure it, charm and beguile it, captivate it, claim it as my very own.

I want your cock.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Your cock is all I want.

I don’t want to rush. Not tonight. Not tonight.

Tonight, I want to linger, I want to stop time. I want to seize it, bend it, break it wide open, charging each endless moment with you, losing myself in fulfilling every one of your deepest, darkest desires.

I don’t want to rush. Not tonight. Not tonight.

Tonight, I need to feel and touch, caress, absorbing and consuming, venerating and possessing, my hands on your torso pressing you back gently into the wall, my hands gliding up along the soft, sweet curve of your neck, my hands travelling down spreading you wide, your thighs now mine, releasing the binds, the buttons, the prison keeping you hidden from my sight, my hands sliding, languorously stroking the eager thickening shaft, sliding, sensually weaving through the curls on your heaving chest, sliding, seductively curling around the tensing muscles of your nape, sliding, beguiling, captivating the space that cruelly separates, sliding, luring, finally delivering your lips, your breath, your groan, your kiss.

I don’t want to rush. Not tonight. Not tonight.

Tonight, I yearn to drown in your scent, to taste and feed on your flesh, devour the heat rising up through your skin, the passion simmering your mind, your very soul. I yearn to bury my nose in deep, inhaling the pungent perfume of your maleness, the tip tickling, tracing each smooth, perfect, willing hollow, the tip teasing, taunting, feather lips and tongue soon after follow, my mouth tormenting with its lightness, with the silken peaks so new and familiar, my mouth sating with its gluttony, with the urgent deepness of its swallow, my mouth, my lips, my tongue roaming, exploring, gorging on the meat throbbing, aching, on the pearls nestling, on the cockhead dripping, on the jewels, on the feast, on the shine with a freedom, with a hunger, with an addiction abandoned, enslaving.

I don’t want to rush. Not tonight. Not tonight.

Tonight, I crave our merging, our melting, our nakedly intimate union, our bodies bathed in shadows of sepia enigma, enveloped in hushed, sultry tones, our bodies seeking, questing, opening, giving, taking as I sink down onto your hard waiting flesh, as I take you deep into my tight velvet cunt, as I moan with the ecstasy of your life force pulsing inside me, as you groan with a power that steals the rapid heartbeat, as I ride you with languid undulation, as I ride you with fevered concentration, my hips swirling, flowing, my swollen clitoris pressing, rubbing, your glans filling, stretching, your cockhead straining at my limits, my sex grasping at your own, your hands mapping, caressing the fairest of thighs, the pert swell of my breasts, your body soaring, ascending, my fingers digging, branding, our gaze locking, eyes glowing with the fire, with the hunger for release, for that sweet and violent release, for the cream, for the flood, for the come that will mark you as mine, for the come that will mark me as yours, for the liquid heat, for the scolding libations longed for as no other, eyes glowing with the longing and the want and the need and the yearning and the craving for more, for more, for more … evermore.

I don’t want to rush. Not tonight. Not tonight.

You’ve changed me. You’ve changed me and my desire.

No, no. You’ve done more than that.

You’ve ruined it and me. You’ve ruined us, spent and consumed us. Unknowingly, unwittingly. Softly, slowly, sensuously. Ruthlessly and callously.

And even as I continue to want you, even as the thought of you has my cunt dripping its sweet nectar, even as that glisten fuses my bright flesh to the pink girlish cotton, even as I seek out my sex and come hard and loud with a speed that leaves me violently breathless, I hate you a little for that.

It makes little sense this passion for you; this hunger that marks my days and my nights, this craving that racks flesh yielding and soft, this torrent of carnality, sultry sensuality, this yearning that shakes me through to the core.

It makes little sense.

And yet, it makes little sense without you; this desiring body at home with your touch, this woman of longing at peace in your kiss, this being familiar, this figure estranged reflected in the glass back at me. It makes little sense. She makes little sense.

I make little sense without you near.

She wishes he could be as forgettable to her as she is to him. She wishes for the ability to wipe him from her thoughts, her dreams, her body memory, from her erotic longings as easily and cleanly as his own process of erasure. She wishes and hopes and attempts to forget. But time and again her body betrays her, for there he is just as she opens herself to the pleasures of the flesh, just as the light blinds her eyes and the orgasm screams through and out of her.

There he is.

There he is before her, behind her, pressed softly, firmly into her. There is his voice, his scent, the taste of his kiss on her lips. There is his desire; the desire that speaks to her, somehow knows her, the desire whose subtleties and complexities, whose primal urgencies and lingering sensualities uncannily feel just like home.

It is in the small hours of the silvery dark that our truth, the truth of our desires, our need, the veracity of the yearnings that stir our minds, arouse our bodies, tremble our souls rises up to meet us; to sigh and whisper, to sensually caress, to scream and shake and jolt us out of the somnambulist existence which often typifies our days in the bright.

It is in the shadowed quiet that the passions profound and profane overtake us, unwilling, unable to be kept any longer at bay. It is in this stillness, this dim that my flesh sings its torch song, my lips aching to feed and tongue to taste, my arms craving to soothe and fingers to trace, my heat hungering for communion, for otherness, for the sweetest of violations.

It is here, it is now, all pretence is stripped away and I can freely confess to the phantoms of the night, I can openly admit in the safety of this velvet embrace, I can finally own in the sphere of my reality and the realm of my wonder, he is the man I have always longed to meet.

The words will not come. The body will not follow. There is only numbness in their place. There is only the contrary longing to exorcise this desire while clinging to it for dear, electrifying life. There is only the bittersweet craving for a man whose intensity and magnetism, whose complex eroticism excites, revives, terrifies. There is only the dull, aching recognition of an impossible possibility.

I woke startled and frightened, with the room enveloped in darkness. I woke alone and afraid, my skin glowing with a chilling sheen. I woke with the vivid imagery of my dreaming flashing before me, playing in my head, its afterimages seared on my eyes. I woke with the phantoms, their menacing scowls and glistening blades stepping out of the shadows, their cruelty, coercion and horror following me through the night. I woke calling out his name, calling out your name, calling to you, my body calling out for you.

As I lay in bed, eyes on the white ceiling, ears listening to my shallow, recovering breath, hands registering the heartbeat thudding through my chest, I longed to be held and soothed by you, longed for the safety of your strong arms, the sweetness of your tender kiss, I longed for you to hush the gentle cries and drink away my salty tears.

She vows it will be the last. She vows and promises it will be her final hit as she plugs herself into the slim silver box nestled in her palm, her body resting gently against the window of the crowded bus, the landscape a blur of rose-tinted shopfronts, flickering neon lights and a beeline of traffic winging its way homeward.

With the lightest touch of her delicate finger, the cable of pure white cocoons her in the voice deep and accented, transporting her to his room where he is lying in bed naked, his cock oiled and very hard, his hand stroking the flesh that has been aroused by her body, by the woman, by the desiring eyes captured for him and him alone, by the need to feel her warm skin, his fingers gliding and moving, registering the transition from lace to nylon to her soft and yielding flesh, by the overwhelming urge to fill her, fuck her, to come deep, deep inside her, the walls of her velvet heat absorbing every last drop of his seed.

And even though her face betrays very little, the only movement her eyes, darting and snatching the odd detail as the vehicle picks up speed, her body screams and shouts, riots, the blush blooming on her fair skin, the prickling mist merging with her perfume, the black silk triangle fusing to her cunt with each beat of its slick and needy rhythm, the full mouth involuntarily parting, the pink lips even now aching to swallow the ragged breath, the groan, the very essence of the man half a world away.