The chaos of its unrelenting want. The blur of lips and tongues. My body jolted back to life with each connection of wet hunger and gleaming skin.
Your cock deep inside me.
The thickness of your flesh and the cry from my lips and the heat of my melting cunt. The fusion of our bodies and the flavour of your soul on my tongue.
This is all it takes. Two seemingly simple movements, two mere moments of pleasure.
And I am enslaved.
And I am yours.
I could spill thousands of words on each erotic detail, on every sharp intake of breath, on every touch that reduces our skin to shivering gooseflesh. But it wouldn’t be enough. They are never enough.
Because without you, without your body against mine, without my body against yours, without your fingers wound in my tresses guiding my mouth to your glistening shaft, without the genuflecting woman before you who aches to worship every inch of your flesh, without the fire of your voice on my skin, without my legs around your waist as you fuck me, without the intimacy of our kiss and the carnal savagery of this lust, without your come anointing my most sacred place, the words are nothing, nothing but ghosts and echoes.
My body, my mind, they will not settle. And neither will the words.
They assault me, rush through me, as if they also know the frustration of this unfulfilled yearning, hitting hard the screen and the page, my fingers frantically typing, clutching like a lifeline the coolness of the stylus, the words screaming, outpacing, flitting through the fragments, details found then lost and overcome, darting from one page to another, too restless and desirous and uneasy to stay for a moment longer, to complete and realise the utterance forever twisting into knots my stomach, pulsing and glistening between my thighs, lingering on my lips and the tip of my tongue.
In the silence, in their wake, I look upon their trace, and all I see, all I feel is you.
You and your smile and the warmth of your hand and the sound of your laughter and the resonance of your voice and the minute round midnight your breath caught in your throat and your black gaze grew darker as I confessed on my knees the primal need for your blistering seed on every inch of my skin and deep inside my cunt and my womb, the intimacy my body craves through the day and its night, this fusion of man and woman, of you and me, this mark of your ownership, my possession of your hard aching sex, your name etched in my secret flesh with the force of your desire, with the roar of your body, with the very tremble of your soul.
Through oceans and lands and the sky up above, through the silence and the stillness, through the clamour and the bustle and the crowd pressed in tight, they found me.
Through the days and the months and the years, through lost and lonely nights, through the dreaming on empty mornings, through my wanton lusts and sensual yearnings, through this desire’s threat to tear my supple flesh to easy shreds, they knew me.
Through the verse, through the prose, in every line and word and syllable, in each breath and sigh, whisper and growl, you touched and caressed my mind, glimpsed then memorised this body, inflaming the longings I could scarcely admit, etching into my skin the passions that coursed through your veins, igniting the feminine curves that even now hunger for your strength and possession, to have you plunge into these clutching velvet depths, to have you wild at heart and free and abandoned, to have you mark yourself in the glistening fire dripping onto the softness between my legs, scorching a path of need into the purity stretched taut on the bed.
Through the beginning and the ending, through the space of the in-between, the words came for me, you came to me, bringing this woman time and again to her knees, your kiss the sweetest recognition, your hands proof of pleasure without inhibition, your hardness given, your thickness taken, the pearl nestled in your cockhead devoured, your mouth and its smile, the arms wound about me, bodies and souls for a brief beautiful moment bound together as one.
“I love the way you use that word in your writing. I become instantly hard just seeing it glowing on the screen. So many women fear it, are repelled by it, but not you. Not you.”
I can’t help but smile slyly at his admission.
He leans forward in an attempt to keep our salacious discussion at a discreet level as we sit in a quiet basement restaurant a stone’s throw from a four-top of suits indulging in a boozy weekday lunch and lingering gazes that are quite obviously undressing my lithe body, slowly but surely, one fine garment at a time.
“I can sense just how it excites you. It’s palpable. I feel the fire of your flesh radiating as I read. Each time I see the word, I think about your body, your uninhibited desire and wonder…about the parts of you shielded, unseen.”
My smile bursts open, a mixture of warmth and momentary shyness, as the blush blooms high on my cheeks. I know for a fact my clear blue eyes are blazing because he is now transfixed, and much like our dining companions to my left, unashamedly staring, his look languidly roaming from these eyes to the full mouth rouged scarlet to the contour of my breasts and the beauty spots underneath the collarbone he aches to lightly kiss and trace, all memorised in minute detail from the photographs I share.
“Now that we’re sitting here together – finally – and I can see you and feel your heat and smell the hint of your perfume from across the table, all I crave is the opportunity to hear your sultry voice say it.”
I mirror his gesture and move that little bit closer, my hands caressing the edge of the table directly in front of me before my fingers dance along the wooden frame to clutch at each periphery. My back straightens, elongates, the small arching ever so slightly as my sex pulses against the panties and the tightest denim I own. Unconsciously, I cross my legs, press my thighs together and grind myself into the chair. Dressed in a midnight black balconette and bordered by a complementary cashmere knit, my pert breasts rise and fall with each hot breath. His gaze wanders again, taking me in, landing at last on my hands, on the tips now a mere inch from his own.
I part my mouth, unsealing it with the smallest of sighs. My tongue licks along the edge of the fleshy bottom lip before I speak. The corners of my eyes and the long ebony lashes uphold my mischievous smile.
It’s his turn to grin with a wickedness that lights his entire face.
I ask the question softly, a little coyly.
He doesn’t buy my stalling tactic for a minute. While the anticipation is maddening, it is also arousing and thickening his glans, out of sight under the table, in a way he can barely control. That thought alone leaves me ravenous, lustful, wanton. In response, my tips caress the grain of the wood, drawing long, fleshy lines as I imagine the curve of his straining sex trapped in its own denim prison, the sound of the metal teeth as I glide down his zip, the lurch of his naked shaft as it meets the cool air, the ridges and veins and the scent of his desire and the pearl of precum begging to be smeared by my thumb, begging to be brought to my mouth, suckled and savoured.
He regards me again as I hesitate.
He’s waited two years; he can certainly wait another minute.
“Beautiful minx, won’t you say it for me?”
The teasing and imploring softness in his voice leaves me vulnerable, weak. I can feel my core beginning to melt. But shrugged shoulders are my only reply. My eyes continue to beam; my lips are under strict instruction to hold their ground.
“So… Is this the way we’re playing it?”
Another shrug and a shake of my head and wild mane is all the answer I provide.
With this simple phrase, his playful tone drains away. All of a sudden, there’s an edge in his voice. A dominant edge. An edge that has filtered through our communiqués on numerous occasions, leaving me more inflamed than I could readily admit.
The small triangle of diaphanous silk covering my mound is without warning sodden as the idea of his possession releases the flood from within, as the visual of being roughly taken by him from behind, in front of these men – his hands tearing my clothing to shreds, my jeans pushed over my hips, down my slender thighs and past my knees to settle chaotically on the tops of my stiletto ankle boots, his digits pinching my crimson nipples inside the lace remnants as he towers over me, fucking me hard and deep, his sex emerging slick and shiny with each decisive thrust – momentarily blinds me.
My eyebrow arches in defiance and just as quickly yields and relaxes.
I shiver in response. He is reducing me to a trembling submissive, to a little kitten. And he knows it.
“Say it. Now.”
My heart pounds, I shift in my seat, my eyes widen.
I whisper the word into the ether between us. His breath catches in his throat.
With this utterance, he visibly shudders. I have clawed back a little of my control.
Leaning back in his chair, he stifles a groan, acutely aware of the public space in which we find ourselves as well as his need to give in to his own touch, to the passions of his flesh, to his desire for me.
“My sweet tight little cunt…”
The five little words hang between us, clearly demanding more, clearly longing for completion.
“My sweet little cunt aches for… cock.”
Even through the aroma of the Mediterranean fare drifting from the open kitchen behind me, I can smell, almost taste, his arousal; I can feel the heat radiating up through his trousers. His scent is so overwhelming that the thought of his pulsating meat instantly waters my mouth and cunt in equal measure.
Yet I rein myself in as I sense the proximity of his defeat and undoing. The sweat prickling his brow and the clenched fists resting on his tensing thighs are all the encouragement I require.
“My sweet little cunt aches for… your cock.”
This time he exhales with force, his breath intertwined with a simple “Fuck” that lashes my sweet little cunt like a live wire. The pounding ache spreads through my entire body with a strength that sees my own skin glowing with the sheen of desperation.
As I watch his craving rise up and take hold, as I watch him sublimating the need to grab and stroke his burnished glans then and there with a roughness of hand, running his palm over his beard, down the strong curve of his neck, his fingers eventually clawing and clutching at his nape, another series of images assault me: the chair toppling as I stand in haste; my slight figure hovering over his six foot plus frame; the large hand on my hip as I straddle his legs; his digits sliding into the border of my jeans, fingering the drenched lace fused to my bright flesh; my nakedness gleaming under the lights and his mouth engulfing, devouring my cunt, his lips sucking my clit, my body trembling, screaming his name as I come hotly on his tongue.
Our eyes meet and I smile openly, somewhat brazenly. The temptress in me emerges. The kitten will keep for another day.
He is putty in my hands. And he knows it.
“I also love cock. I love the way it shapes and fills my mouth, the way it eases my soft, pouting lips apart, the way these lips lushly wrap themselves around that single…delectable…vowel.”
He turns to meet our neighbours’ stares. Judging by his smirk, our entire conversation has been overheard. One of the men shifts, planting his gaze firmly upon me. Even as I feel it burning into the side of my face, my eyes don’t stray from my man.
“I love the way it sounds out, the air thick with a masculine potency once it’s released, the way my voice can vary it, the way I can feel it thickening, engorging with speed and urgency, the way I can taste it on my tongue, its slick, salty tang, its sweetness sating my feminine hunger, the way I can milk it, lusciously lick the head of the word before ravenously consuming it, gliding it slowly down my throat, swallowing it, fucking it with the fervour of my want, my blistering breath.”
At last, I turn to acknowledge the four-top. I stretch out my hands on the flat of the table, a silent call for his teasing touch, for his repossession. The temptress and the kitten are duly rewarded.
“Yes. I also love cock. In case you had failed to notice.”
No longer purely woman, she is more.
Muse, creation, force, she is the sigh, the moan, the roaring pulse, oil on canvas, the sensual delicacy of his brushstrokes, light and shade, the camera eye, shutter click slicing through the night, the sweetest skin, the honeyed come, voluptuous pixels aching to transcend the screen, the erotic words composed in fluorescent virtuality, the desire etched into the throb of her glistening velvet, the lustful yearning written on the body with tip of devouring tongue, with the artist’s hand, with the need of man, with the slide of thick, throbbing flesh, with the seductive scratch of the writer’s nib.
There was a time when you would seal your whispered confessions, the passionate words of your lust, your farewells and goodbyes with a kiss, with a cross, with a sweet little x.
But once it disappeared from sight, once that sweet little x ceased to be, I knew things had changed; I knew we would never be the same. I knew the hint of affection you cradled tentatively in your palm had been lost, had faded forever away.
The days, the weeks have faded away and yet the visions that rush past my eyes, the sensations that assault then course through my body take me back as if it was only yesterday.
So overwhelmed, so seized by this torrent, I can barely form an utterance with either lips or pen. And even in this rare moment when the words have chosen to grace me with their presence, I am at a loss; I am dumbstruck, unable to fix upon a point, a look, a stroke, a caress, a thrust, a soft swell, a detail, a beginning.
Where do I begin? Where do I begin?
Do I begin with that night, with the morning after, with the season and the oppressive heat that boiled mercury, blistered bitumen, melted bricks and mortar, with the heat that radiated through the day and long after the sunset, the heat that prickled my newly bathed and perfumed skin, my once fair flesh golden and gleaming as I impatiently waited for you to weave your way through the peak-hour traffic?
With your knock on my door, with the moment you crossed the threshold, with your grin, my smile, our momentary shyness, with our first kiss, deep, devouring, urgent, with the way our hungry lips and tongues immediately erased the miles that had kept us apart for an aeon, with the change in erotic tempo as I stopped to recover my sight, my reach, my breath, this gaze meeting yours, wandering tenderly over your face, these fingers sensually sliding up the curve of your neck, finding their home in your nape, my lips softly brushing the peaks of your mouth, this silken tongue tracing its shape, your hands possessing my hips, urging me into the pulsation of your thickening and hardening flesh?
With your fingers teasing the zip of my dress, the metal teeth groaning in synch with the dirty sax oozing out of the speakers, the straps somehow gliding off my shoulders of their own will and accord, with the aching slowness you edged the bodice over the pert breasts sheathed in diaphanous lace, your tips burning a trail on the ebony silk, on my shivering body, your hands drawing the fabric down, down, down over the taunt line of my belly, easing it over my rocking hips, over the filigree bound tight around me, past the lean, silky legs raised up stiletto high?
With my own hands teasing and tugging at your constricting clothing, with my naked breasts pressed into the smoothness of your chest, my lips gently suckling your nipple, your knees buckling violently in response, the lightest of kisses, the daintiest of licks finding the glistening pearl nestling in your cockhead, my body bowed in worship, in benediction, my wet mouth enveloping your glans as your hands travel the length of my spine, as your questing fingers prise apart the luscious curves at the end of my feminine line?
With the moment I break away, leaving you lonely and yearning again, walking the path to the bedroom glowing in the lamp light beyond, with the way I meet your gaze over my shoulder, with my lingering form in the doorway as I register your desiring expression, the catch of your breath, the groan from low in your throat, with my position in front of the mirrored wall as I stand waiting for you once more?
With the reflection of our naked bodies, the contrast of your scarlet shaft pressed into my creamy thigh, your arm about my waist, the gentle strength of your hand as you slip in one digit then two then more, as you finger me, as you finger my hot velvet cunt, as my own knees weaken, the wetness dripping, flowing, my sweetness cupped in your palm, the sweat on your brow, the lone bead gliding between my breasts, my head on your shoulder, my body given over, abandoned to your touch, my body intoxicated with pleasure, the first orgasm screaming up through my bones, my gasp, my moan, these lips begging, pleading to be taken, to be fucked, to have you, to have you fuck me, to have you inside me?
With the hour, the minute, the second you finally, finally lay me down, spread me wide, cleave open the pouting lips of my cunt, your glans gleaming with the honey you will indulgently lap later that night, your shaft nudging then plunging to the hilt, to the hilt, to the clutching hilt, no warning, no ceremony only desire, desire, a desire quickly morphed into need, the need to fill me, to feel me, embracing and milking, devouring, devouring you, from the inside, from the inside, my back arching off the now sodden and rumpled cotton sheeting, these arms grasping for earth, your pounding thrusts delivering your force, your weight, your possession, your cock emerging slick and triumphant, your cock buried in so deep neither one of us can think or speak, your cock, your thrusts, my screams ringing into the summer night’s silence, your cock, your thrusts, my screams, your dominance, your passion, your command speaking with precision to my trembling submission?
Where do I begin? Is this where I begin? Do I begin with you? Or do I begin at another beginning?
Do I begin with him?
Do I begin with the other you, with the one, with the man who has haunted this woman, this desire, these pages for what feels like an age? Do I begin with the revelations that should be locked and hidden away?
Do I begin with the fact he invaded me long before you arrived, with the ache in my heart, with the longing in my flesh, with the pain inflicted by his silence and disappearance, the pain I selfishly needed you to comfort and erase?
Do I begin with his spectre, looming, lurking in the corner, the voyeur deliberately conjured to bare witness, to taste the sour bile rising up in his throat, to feel the raw desire and bitter jealousy twisting his guts in a knot as you experience and savour and take me in every way he has always wanted and more, as you slide into me with a groan, as you possess me like a beast, as the walls absorb the sound of your flesh slapping hard from behind, as your sweat pools in my back, your hands a vice on this flesh, fucking me with a passionate brutality that will surely drive him from my soul, from this room at long last?
Do I begin with my hands clasped over my mouth in fear of releasing his name, my lids shut tight, shrouding everything but the visions within me, wanting you, wanting him, wanting him to be you, each deep thrust a hope, each angry plunge an exorcism, a purging of guilt, of jealousy, of obsessive desire running oily-hot through these veins, each blinding high, each resting low, each shuddering orgasm somehow bringing me closer to you both?
Do I begin with your tenderness, the complexity of your caress, with our lovemaking deep in the dark dead of night, with the way my body opened itself to you as I thought of him, as I needed and imagined him beneath my slight form, with the way I straddled your thighs, my delicate fingers wound around his uncut cock, my cunt hovering, my hips descending, this intimate flesh engulfing your heat, taking you to the place where you rightly belong, our bodies distilled to shadows, to sensate silhouettes, my heart reduced to a beating, adoring ache, our sensual rhythm, our mutual pleasure, our sensual rhythm transporting me across the ether, across the air and the lands and the seas vast between us, our sensual rhythm finally delivering me to you and you to me?
Do I begin with this deluge, with this confusion, with this seemingly incoherent muddle of words, with the salty tears, with the sobs now breaking as I sit here and type, as I sit here confessing it all?
Where do I begin? Where do I begin?
Where do I begin when so much of this feels like the end?
There’s been barely a moment where my thoughts haven’t drifted to you, to the thought of us soiling my crisp and pristine sheets with our passion, to the thought of our bodies pressed together under the shower’s cooling rain, my hands exploring while yours do the same, my slender fingers teasing the silken softness of your newly spent glans, registering your excitement, the rush, the beat, the pulsation, your aroused sex growing thick, hard and heavy in my palm once again, stroking your shaft slowly, slowly, slowly, my thumb circling your cockhead slick with your glisten and the drops, my delicate fingers caressing the small of your back, working their way to the sensitive spot at its base that invariably buckles your knees and reduces your voice to a growl, my kiss finding your nipples, your collarbone, your neck, your lips, my hands reaching out beyond the weighty glass doors to retrieve the luxuriant towelling, my hands blotting, sensually soaking up the gleaming beads clinging close, my lips and tongue drinking, following the path of the cloth, my lips and tongue eager to taste you, to have you aching and pounding, to have your cock insistent for the heat of my sweet little mouth, to have you come with a shudder, with a roar on my freshly washed lily-white skin.
But at this very moment, in the here and the now, all I want, all I truly crave is your naked cock buried deep, buried so deep inside me all I can do is breathe, all I can do is clutch at your shoulders, my legs around your waist like a vice, my back and my hips arching up to meet you, to take your every morsel into my glistening sex, this glistening succulence, this smooth, scarlet cunt which aches to be filled, which cries to be fucked, which aches to wrap itself around you, to bear the mark of your unique flesh.
I want it, need it, hunger for you so desperately, I’m throbbing wet merely typing the words…
It’s there, right there, in black and white, glowing on the screening, screaming off the page.
It’s here, right here, with the simplest of clicks, the tinniest of taps, it’s here for me see.
It’s here, it’s there, as bright as day, as dark as this winter’s night, for me, for all, for her to feel.
It’s there, it’s here, glaring at me, toying with me, knotting my stomach, gripping my body, crazing my mind.
It’s there, it’s here, your desire. Your desire.
But now it’s your desire, your passion, your ardour, your hard dripping fire for another, fashioned in the language you love so well, in the words that once played our own erotic game, in the poetry that was mine, in the prose you spilled for my aching flesh, in the verse that tumbled from these very lips, in the tongue now piqued by the curves, the sensuality, the femininity of this other woman.
It’s there, it’s here, your desire, in the deep shadows of black, in the blinding rage of white.
It’s here, it’s there, your desire. Your desire and my jealousy.