Beginnings and Endings

The days, the weeks have faded away and yet the visions that rush past my eyes, the sensations that assault then course through my body take me back as if it was only yesterday.

So overwhelmed, so seized by this torrent, I can barely form an utterance with either lips or pen. And even in this rare moment when the words have chosen to grace me with their presence, I am at a loss; I am dumbstruck, unable to fix upon a point, a look, a stroke, a caress, a thrust, a soft swell, a detail, a beginning.

Where do I begin? Where do I begin?

Do I begin with that night, with the morning after, with the season and the oppressive heat that boiled mercury, blistered bitumen, melted bricks and mortar, with the heat that radiated through the day and long after the sunset, the heat that prickled my newly bathed and perfumed skin, my once fair flesh golden and gleaming as I impatiently waited for you to weave your way through the peak-hour traffic?

With your knock on my door, with the moment you crossed the threshold, with your grin, my smile, our momentary shyness, with our first kiss, deep, devouring, urgent, with the way our hungry lips and tongues immediately erased the miles that had kept us apart for an aeon, with the change in erotic tempo as I stopped to recover my sight, my reach, my breath, this gaze meeting yours, wandering tenderly over your face, these fingers sensually sliding up the curve of your neck, finding their home in your nape, my lips softly brushing the peaks of your mouth, this silken tongue tracing its shape, your hands possessing my hips, urging me into the pulsation of your thickening and hardening flesh?

With your fingers teasing the zip of my dress, the metal teeth groaning in synch with the dirty sax oozing out of the speakers, the straps somehow gliding off my shoulders of their own will and accord, with the aching slowness you edged the bodice over the pert breasts sheathed in diaphanous lace, your tips burning a trail on the ebony silk, on my shivering body, your hands drawing the fabric down, down, down over the taunt line of my belly, easing it over my rocking hips, over the filigree bound tight around me, past the lean, silky legs raised up stiletto high?

With my own hands teasing and tugging at your constricting clothing, with my naked breasts pressed into the smoothness of your chest, my lips gently suckling your nipple, your knees buckling violently in response, the lightest of kisses, the daintiest of licks finding the glistening pearl nestling in your cockhead, my body bowed in worship, in benediction, my wet mouth enveloping your glans as your hands travel the length of my spine, as your questing fingers prise apart the luscious curves at the end of my feminine line?

With the moment I break away, leaving you lonely and yearning again, walking the path to the bedroom glowing in the lamp light beyond, with the way I meet your gaze over my shoulder, with my lingering form in the doorway as I register your desiring expression, the catch of your breath, the groan from low in your throat, with my position in front of the mirrored wall as I stand waiting for you once more?

With the reflection of our naked bodies, the contrast of your scarlet shaft pressed into my creamy thigh, your arm about my waist, the gentle strength of your hand as you slip in one digit then two then more, as you finger me, as you finger my hot velvet cunt, as my own knees weaken, the wetness dripping, flowing, my sweetness cupped in your palm, the sweat on your brow, the lone bead gliding between my breasts, my head on your shoulder, my body given over, abandoned to your touch, my body intoxicated with pleasure, the first orgasm screaming up through my bones, my gasp, my moan, these lips begging, pleading to be taken, to be fucked, to have you, to have you fuck me, to have you inside me? 

With the hour, the minute, the second you finally, finally lay me down, spread me wide, cleave open the pouting lips of my cunt, your glans gleaming with the honey you will indulgently lap later that night, your shaft nudging then plunging to the hilt, to the hilt, to the clutching hilt, no warning, no ceremony only desire, desire, a desire quickly morphed into need, the need to fill me, to feel me, embracing and milking, devouring, devouring you, from the inside, from the inside, my back arching off the now sodden and rumpled cotton sheeting, these arms grasping for earth, your pounding thrusts delivering your force, your weight, your possession, your cock emerging slick and triumphant, your cock buried in so deep neither one of us can think or speak, your cock, your thrusts, my screams ringing into the summer night’s silence, your cock, your thrusts, my screams, your dominance, your passion, your command speaking with precision to my trembling submission?

Where do I begin? Is this where I begin? Do I begin with you? Or do I begin at another beginning?

Do I begin with him?

Do I begin with the other you, with the one, with the man who has haunted this woman, this desire, these pages for what feels like an age? Do I begin with the revelations that should be locked and hidden away?

Do I begin with the fact he invaded me long before you arrived, with the ache in my heart, with the longing in my flesh, with the pain inflicted by his silence and disappearance, the pain I selfishly needed you to comfort and erase?

Do I begin with his spectre, looming, lurking in the corner, the voyeur deliberately conjured to bare witness, to taste the sour bile rising up in his throat, to feel the raw desire and bitter jealousy twisting his guts in a knot as you experience and savour and take me in every way he has always wanted and more, as you slide into me with a groan, as you possess me like a beast, as the walls absorb the sound of your flesh slapping hard from behind, as your sweat pools in my back, your hands a vice on this flesh, fucking me with a passionate brutality that will surely drive him from my soul, from this room at long last?

Do I begin with my hands clasped over my mouth in fear of releasing his name, my lids shut tight, shrouding everything but the visions within me, wanting you, wanting him, wanting him to be you, each deep thrust a hope, each angry plunge an exorcism, a purging of guilt, of jealousy, of obsessive desire running oily-hot through these veins, each blinding high, each resting low, each shuddering orgasm somehow bringing me closer to you both?

Do I begin with your tenderness, the complexity of your caress, with our lovemaking deep in the dark dead of night, with the way my body opened itself to you as I thought of him, as I needed and imagined him beneath my slight form, with the way I straddled your thighs, my delicate fingers wound around his uncut cock, my cunt hovering, my hips descending, this intimate flesh engulfing your heat, taking you to the place where you rightly belong, our bodies distilled to shadows, to sensate silhouettes, my heart reduced to a beating, adoring ache, our sensual rhythm, our mutual pleasure, our sensual rhythm transporting me across the ether, across the air and the lands and the seas vast between us, our sensual rhythm finally delivering me to you and you to me? 

Do I begin with this deluge, with this confusion, with this seemingly incoherent muddle of words, with the salty tears, with the sobs now breaking as I sit here and type, as I sit here confessing it all?

Where do I begin? Where do I begin?

Where do I begin when so much of this feels like the end?

  1. Angelwithatwist 2013.02.20 12:49pm

    Wow. That is a lot of emotion on one page and something I totally understand and can relate to completely. The beginning is never the beginning in these cases is it? Just breathtaking and beautiful and haunting. I love it.

  2. Ella 2013.02.20 3:05pm

    Oh Minx, so many emotions going on here. So much longing and sadness – so submissive, yet so clear and certain and beautiful. This makes me want to cry and reach out to you and hold you safe.

    There is always a beginning at the end. XXOO

  3. Max 2013.02.20 3:23pm

    Wow. Very powerful and erotic writing. As others have said, you've captured some very strong emotions. Just wow.

  4. Octavia 2013.02.20 5:11pm

    A beautiful noir piece. I'm reminded me of the old black and white movies that had such penetrating shadows, beautiful women, and the sound of a typewriter beating home every syllable of our heroine.

    Great writing. Each time I read it, I uncover new details. Cheeky Minx indeed…

  5. stareintotheabyss 2013.02.20 7:48pm

    Minx, lay down on my couch and tell me all about it.

  6. All About Love And Sex 2013.02.21 3:08am

    Depicting sex in a very poetic way. Very good grasp in the usage of words to describe the feelings, the emotions!

  7. the late phoenix 2013.02.21 4:25pm

    filigree, learn a new word every day 😉

  8. SouthernSir 2013.02.22 1:26am

    Minx, such deep, powerful, erotic, and emotional words that bring forth a wellspring of feelings right from ones soul. You have made me think greatly about what was, what is, and what will be.

  9. Cheeky Minx 2013.02.22 7:50am

    Angelwithatwist: Thank you for your beautiful words. I'm truly humbled this piece spoke to you so strongly…

    Ella: I'll gladly take your comforting hug any day, sweet thing. Thank you, thank you…

    Max: I'm unsure there's a higher compliment than knowing this range of emotions can provoke such a strong reaction. (In other words, your “wow” has left me smiling, M…)

    Octavia: Your words have conjured such a beautiful image – and one that's right up my noir, smoke-filled alley. This just might inspire me to recreate it very soon…

    stareintotheabyss: Lead the way, Dr JK…

    All About Love and Sex: That's lovely of you to say so – thank you…

    the late phoenix: Think of me as your personal OED…

    Southern Sir: I can only hope this has stirred not only sad memories but also intensely beautiful recollections, SSir. Here's hoping the future is a bright one for us both…

    ~Minx x

  10. JM 2013.02.22 10:06pm

    There is little I can add to this, other than to say that it has touched the very core of my being. Such beauty and pain, longing and loving, I can only hope that you find your peace, and that it brings you ever lasting happiness.

    You are a revelation.

    JM XXX

  11. both.hands.please 2013.02.25 5:51am

    A more affecting piece of written word than this I'm not sure exists.

    Wherever you do begin CM, is exactly the right place.

  12. Cheeky Minx 2013.02.26 6:02am

    JM: To have you think so highly of this piece, to have you wishing the best for me means the world, my gorgeous friend…

    both.hands.please: Perhaps you're right, bhp. Thank you for the beautiful compliment…

    ~Minx x